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Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness

November 29, 2009

Why Breaking Dawn Must Be Made Into A Movie

 

The Devin Advocate With New Moon likely to make yet another metric fuckload of money this weekend we need to find the bright side to the entire Twilight mania. There must be something good that comes from this awful Mormon fantasy that seems to have invaded our culture on every front. That something is the eventual movie version of Breaking Dawn.

 

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he’s super strong and she’s just a human – Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her – and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.

Let’s go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.

Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while fucking her off the coast of Rio de Janeiro. Read the rest here

via mr.pattinson

This guy is flipping us with his mockery, but it’s really a funny read.
thanks robstenation
 
posted by_Carlie
One Comment leave one →
  1. RobstenFOREVER!! permalink
    November 29, 2009 6:12 pm

    lol Breaking Dawn is extremely bizarre and the blog is funny, but the writer seems to have something against mormons

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